Sunday, September 2, 2012

Meltdown commenced

I thought I would share that I am in the middle of a meltdown.  I went to visit a friend in Austin Friday night to this morning.  We had a great day yesterday, filled with a couple wine tastings and some shopping.  I hoped this would help distract me and make me feel better.  It did and then I came home.  My throat started hurting, and I got a massive headache.  School starts Tuesday.  I feel like I have so much still to do.  I have done a lot, but it feels like there so much still to organize and wrap my head around.  I am completely aware that I need to relax, breathe deep, and let go.  I periodically do this.  I let the stress and worry overwhelm me and bury me.  Then I start stomping, grunting, slamming doors, and yelling at cats. 

Luckily, even the loud, obnoxious cat knows when to shut up and avoid me.  If you knew this cat, you would know he never shuts up.  He meows 24/7.  He meows himself to sleep.

I went to McDonald's and got a Sprite for some sugar and some french fries for some salt.  The emotional eating commenced. 

I came home and took some Benadryl.  Stress seems to escalate my allergies tenfold.  I contemplate crying because sometimes that makes me feel better.  It is a release - a way of letting go.  But emotions don't come that easy for me.  I don't cry unless I think to myself "okay, you can cry now."  So I grunt and moan and slam doors instead. 

Now, I thought I would blog.  I need to release the stress somehow.  So, I thought I would share.  I am human.  I try so hard to be balanced and not try to always be in control.  But old habits die hard.  I have allowed myself to be busy and not taken the time to stop and breathe and be grateful. 

With meltdown commencing, I slammed the door, shut out the world, turned on some Praise and Worship, and here I sit. 

When I need deep breathing and reminders to slow down, I turn to  Ann Voskamp always has the words I need to hear (or read).  Here are a couple posts I read:

Blogging gives me an outlet and also accountability.  This year will be different.  I do not have to repeat my past mistakes of getting to focused on all of the to-do's.  The to-do's are not why I became a teacher.  I became a teacher to have opportunities to learn, to give my life meaning, and make a difference in the lives of others.  I don't have to accomplish eveything this week or even this year. My goal - my job - is to get to know my students as students and people - to help them grow and have fun and learn and find joy in the process.  That is what I need to remember. 

I want my classroom to be a place of joy and learning and joy of learning.  And as Ann Voskamp has shown me again and again, joy begins with gratitude.  So, tonight I am thankful for:
  • a new year
  • my new students
  • a good time with friends
  • praise and worship
  • a patient husband
  • a puppy who makes me smile
  • my Sprite
  • this little blog
  • the release of stress
  • my readers/followers
  • my discovery of the teacher blogging community
  • new opportunities
  • 1 more day to get some things done
  • a good night's sleep
  • hot showers
  • a door to shut out the cat when I need to
  • my savior who again and again saves me from my own failures and expectations
Good night and many blessings.  With teary eyes and sincere thanks,  I absolutely love this community of bloggers.  You make me feel understood and a part of something of amazing and special.  God bless.

Meltdown done (for now).


  1. First of all, every time I see your cute blog, I smile. Second, my pastor's sermon was on joy today. And the difference between happy and joy. Fascinating thoughts about joy being a choice and indifferent to circumstances whereas happy is a response to circumstances. Anyway I am sending thoughts of joy your way. Have a joyful Labor Day. Your blog brings me joy and happy!

    Chickadee Jubilee

  2. What a great reminder to find some joy. This time of the year is not my favorite. I look forward to mid-September when I feel like our foundation is built and I've got them really trained. I don't want to miss out on the now though. Thanks for reminding me.
    ❀ Tammy
    Forever in First

  3. I think you just summed up how most teachers feel right about now :-) I keep thinking that I'm doing fine and then realize I'm on the verge of tears! I have just been trying to focus on how much all of this stress and chaos will pay off when my students are learning and having fun at school! It will all come together in the end... it always does :-)

    Teacher and a Mom

  4. Sending you a great BIG hug. Sorry we did not get to spend this weekend together. See you in November. :)

  5. April,
    {{{HUGS}}} I hope you are feeling better. Allergies are the worst. I also think of my little blog as being therapeutic for me. Those little ones are lucky to have such a kind and caring teacher.
    Good luck on Tuesday. Just enjoy today.
    ❀Beth Ann❀
    Taming My Flock of Firsties

  6. Great big cyber hugs for you!!
    I think we all need to be reminded from time to time to find our joy. Thanks:)

  7. You can do it. Just remember to do your best and the Lord will do the rest. :) Have a good day.
    Life with Mrs. L


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