Meltdown commenced

I thought I would share that I am in the middle of a meltdown.  I went to visit a friend in Austin Friday night to this morning.  We had a great day yesterday, filled with a couple wine tastings and some shopping.  I hoped this would help distract me and make me feel better.  It did and then I came home.  My throat started hurting, and I got a massive headache.  School starts Tuesday.  I feel like I have so much still to do.  I have done a lot, but it feels like there so much still to organize and wrap my head around.  I am completely aware that I need to relax, breathe deep, and let go.  I periodically do this.  I let the stress and worry overwhelm me and bury me.  Then I start stomping, grunting, slamming doors, and yelling at cats. 

Luckily, even the loud, obnoxious cat knows when to shut up and avoid me.  If you knew this cat, you would know he never shuts up.  He meows 24/7.  He meows himself to sleep.

I went to McDonald's and got a Sprite for some sugar and some french fries for some salt.  The emotional eating commenced. 

I came home and took some Benadryl.  Stress seems to escalate my allergies tenfold.  I contemplate crying because sometimes that makes me feel better.  It is a release - a way of letting go.  But emotions don't come that easy for me.  I don't cry unless I think to myself "okay, you can cry now."  So I grunt and moan and slam doors instead. 

Now, I thought I would blog.  I need to release the stress somehow.  So, I thought I would share.  I am human.  I try so hard to be balanced and not try to always be in control.  But old habits die hard.  I have allowed myself to be busy and not taken the time to stop and breathe and be grateful. 

With meltdown commencing, I slammed the door, shut out the world, turned on some Praise and Worship, and here I sit. 

When I need deep breathing and reminders to slow down, I turn to www.aholyexperience.com.  Ann Voskamp always has the words I need to hear (or read).  Here are a couple posts I read:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/08/when-you-are-finding-it-hard-to-keep-up-chased-by-grace/

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/08/best-bucket-list/

Blogging gives me an outlet and also accountability.  This year will be different.  I do not have to repeat my past mistakes of getting to focused on all of the to-do's.  The to-do's are not why I became a teacher.  I became a teacher to have opportunities to learn, to give my life meaning, and make a difference in the lives of others.  I don't have to accomplish eveything this week or even this year. My goal - my job - is to get to know my students as students and people - to help them grow and have fun and learn and find joy in the process.  That is what I need to remember. 

I want my classroom to be a place of joy and learning and joy of learning.  And as Ann Voskamp has shown me again and again, joy begins with gratitude.  So, tonight I am thankful for:

• a new year
• my new students
• a good time with friends
• praise and worship
• a patient husband
• a puppy who makes me smile
• my Sprite
• this little blog
• the release of stress
• my readers/followers
• my discovery of the teacher blogging community
• new opportunities
• 1 more day to get some things done
• a good night's sleep
• hot showers
• a door to shut out the cat when I need to
• my savior who again and again saves me from my own failures and expectations

Good night and many blessings.  With teary eyes and sincere thanks,  I absolutely love this community of bloggers.  You make me feel understood and a part of something of amazing and special.  God bless.

Meltdown done (for now).